SCREW YOU (ed/si/depression/any other negative crap)
Thursday, Feb. 15, 2007 at 11:26 pm
am doing pretty good with this whole recovery malarky :o) but DAMN IT I WANT TO CUT SO BAD, the urges are driving me insane. I'm 3 months SI free I've got so many reasons not to start it up again but i'm still having crazy urges. IT'S DRIVING ME NUTSi'm the happiest i've ever been, my job is going well, home life is pretty good, and soon I am gonna be engaged!! so why these stupid self destruction urges. it makes no sense...it's like i deliberately want to sabotage any chance of normalacy and happiness.
i refuse though. i refuse to let this negative crap get the better of me, i refuse to give in to the urges. I've worked DAMN hard at recovery and I'm not gonna f*!k that up now. NO WAY.
I am in control...not these crazy thoughts, not the negative crap and certainly not a razor blade or a porcelein bowl.
eating disorder/self harm/depression...DO YOU HEAR ME? YOU BETTER BE LISTENING! you have no place in my life, you don't control me, you don't own me, you are a part of my past that is now closed and not gonna be reopened...SCREW YOU!!
I know your tricks, i know your games, i know every way you try and trip me up and drag me down, and you know what I AM STRONGER THAN YOU. i have LEARNT TO LOOK AFTER ME! I am NOT GONNA BE FOOLED BY YOU AGAIN. NO WAY! 0 comments so far