Tired and emotional

Tuesday, Nov. 18, 2003 at 6:55 pm

I feel awful. I'm tired, emotional and hungry, not a good combination. Last night I was going to have an early night, went to bed relatively early, couldn't sleep so switched the computer on, finally went back to bed at 12:30am but didn't get to sleep till gone 1am. Then woke up at various points in the night, I got about 4.5hrs sleep in total. I had grapefruit and coffee for breakfast, had lectures all morning. Had a yogurt, small banana and an apple for lunch and then more lectures. I went back to Becky's to do some work that we were set, then we went to Ruth's room for a while. I know they are only concerned but the constant comments about me not eating are really getting to me. It's not as if I'm wasting away, I'm not even losing any weight at the moment. Now I am sitting in my room debating whether or not to eat, I don't want to but I know I should, the disordered part of me says don't eat, just stop eating there's no one here to make me eat except for friends who can't actually do anything about it anyway. The sensible part of me says don't be so stupid, it's just not worth it, I need to eat to function properly, not eating means mucking around with the amount of insulin I take which can lead to my blood sugars being all over the place.

I feel like crying, I can feel the tears in my eyes. I cried last night, I was so tired and miserable and didn't know what to do, I began thinking about everything and my life ahead of me and just broke down in tears. I hardly ever cry. What's wrong with me (heh stupid question ;o) really) Why don't I just pull myself together and get on with life. I'm so frustrated at myself. What's the point of even doing this course at uni if I can't sort out my life? How on earth do I think I'm going to be able to look after other people and help them if I can't even sort myself out? 0 comments so far