Vent
Tuesday, Dec. 16, 2003 at 8:16 am
Grr Grr Grr. I need to scream I need to shout I need to vent I need to grr I don't know. I am such a bad mood and it's all my fault. It's me that's to blame, no one else, no one makes me be miserable, no one makes me be nasty to my family, no one caused any of this.But my mum she just doesn't understand. She says that she does but she damn well doesn't. Yesterday she threatened me by saying that if I didn't stop throwing up she would tell everyone. She totally blames herself for it and she doesn't know how to handle it. I know I'm not helping and that she only says things like that cos she is scared and worried about me. She also said don't I think about how it makes God feel. I nearly flew into a massive rage with her then. Damn it. Of course I do mother, I spend my life feeling guilty and evil and ike a horrible nsty ungrateful piece of creation. No need to rub it in. She seems to think I can stop just like that, does she not realise that it isn't a decision I can just make and stick to, I know how bad this is for my health but I can't just 'snap' out of it. It doesn't work like that. Then she said I need to get help from someone but then she said if this was on my record (ie my medical notes) it could ruin my career because people would question my mental stability and wouldn't want me working with kids. Yeah mum, that's a great way to make me get help. Why do you think I've never been to the doctors or anything about it...because I was scared that if it was on my medical notes I wouldn't get accepted to do nursing.
Bleh how pathetic am I. 0 comments so far