Faking It?
Friday, Feb. 13, 2004 at 6:16 pm
I'm so confused about what I'm doing.I haven't purged for a while. Sometimes I've been restricting but most of the time for the past two weeks I've been eating quite a lot. But I haven't been taking my insulin so that kind of acts like purging.
What kind of eating disorder do I have now? I know it doesn't really matter what I'm classified as but at the moment I kind of feel like a fake, like a pretend, like I don't really have an eating disorder at all that I'm just 'playing' at it.
It's irrational. I know that people of all weights have eating disorders but I can't get it out of my head that I don't really have a problem because I'm still fat. Doesn't really help that one of my best friends is naturally very slim, she's 30lbs lighter than me and on the lower end of 'normal' weight. I always feel like the fat friend, most of my friends are smaller than me and ironically I'm the only one who has an ED. They all tell me I'm not fat and express concern when I don't eat, but they don't know what it's like.