Feeling FAT FAT FAT
Wednesday, Mar. 17, 2004 at 5:24 pm
Finally, term is over and it is now the Easter break. I'm going to be busy but that is the best way to be, gives me less time to dwell on things and depress myself further.I feel so damn fat and bloated and grotesque. I began taking my insulin regularly again because of the bad effects it was having on my health but I can't cope with the way it stops me losing weight. So today I haven't been taking it, I feel exhausted, need to pee all the time, my mouth is dry no matter how much I drink and I feel sick. I weighed 152lbs this morning, two days ago I weighed 144lbs. Thats 8lbs gain in 2 days due to my insulin so it's easy to see why it's so tempting not to take it.
Well I am going on a church student conference tomorrow, it's going to be interesting in more ways than one. B and R will be there so no doubt they will be going on and on at me for not eating enough. I'm going to have to be really careful because I'll be around them 24hrs a day for almost 5 days and I don't want to worry them any more than they are already and I don't want any one else getting worried either. I know that the simple solution to that is to eat normally but I can't do that. It's so stupid I can eat loads when I am by myself but when I am around others I can't do it, I find it really difficult even to eat a small amount of healthy foods.
I feel all this negetive rubbish about myself and am trying so hard to fight it off. I feel bad for feel negetively because I know that as a Christian blah blah blah I've written it all before no need to do it again. 0 comments so far