An Update
Thursday, Apr. 22, 2004 at 2:47 pm
So much has happened since the last time I wrote here. I haven't updated for so long because I've been at home and didn't want to risk anyone somehow finding my diary on the computer history...hmm not that it would matter much now considering the amount that people know.After I'd been home for a couple of days mum confronted me about mucking around with my insulin. I realised she wasn't going to take any more of my lying so I admitted to her that I had been skipping my insulin. She was honest with me and said that it upset her more than me making myself throw up, because it makes me so much more ill so much faster.
I had got down to 139lbs by then but I'm back up to 146lbs due to having to be more careful for the sake of my mum.
Anyway we had a meeting with A (by this time my mum had told my dad about everything) and I agreed to them telling our pastor. I also agreed that I should tell my brother and that I should get some Christian counselling.
So anyway my pastor at home suggested that I spoke to one of the pastors at my church here and also to N. I was already considering talking to N about it anyway.
Now my mum phoned the pastor here and he is getting in touch with a counsellor from the church and will get back to us sometime this week. I emailed N the other day and we are meeting up next week for a chat.
So everything is moving along and I guess I really am going to get help now. I'm not sure though if I'm ready for this. I'm not sure what I want, it's all so overwhelmeing and confusing. I know I can't continue like this idefinately. This is going to come out all wrong but I know what I mean...at the moment I can't imagine living without an ED, I don't know what life is like without it or who I am without it and this sounds really shallow and pathetic but I still haven't lost all the weight I want to. 0 comments so far