So damn rubbish

Wednesday, May. 05, 2004 at 9:06 pm

I feel so damn rubbish tonight. I was supposed to be doing a night shift but I phoned in 'sick'. I'm so tired cos I haven't been sleeping well then I didn't sleep well today after my night shift last night. The negetive thoughts are running rife through my mind and I can't shake them. It hurts so much and I feel so fake and awful and pathetic and useless anf fat and ugly and disgusting and shameful and guilty and etc etc. I've eaten and uked a load of rubbish today, it's revolting, I've been eating stuff that isn't even gluten free.

N is being so encouraging and is great, I have taken my night time insulin every night since seeing her, but i don't know if I am strong enough to take it tonight when I feel so crappy about myself. Though I've been taking the glargine I still haven't been taking all of my daytime insulin. In fact I've been skipping most of it and have been purging at least twice a day all week. I've thrown up at least 4 times today, probably more, I haven't really been counting. N said I could phone her any time I need someone to talk to but I don't want to feel like I'm bothering her. She's coming round tomorrow so I may as well wait till then. I don't really know what I would say to her if I did phone.

I need to tidy up my room I have empty cartons and tins and dirty cups and plates all over the place. So disgusting and shows how much rubbish I have been eating this week. 0 comments so far