Back to square one

Thursday, May. 05, 2005 at 9:25 am

Tuesday night I self harmed, the first time in 8 long weeks of fighting against it. When I did it I felt nothing as I sliced through my arm and then instant relief and a surreal calmness as I watched the red appear, gather into droplets, trickle down my arm and drip down onto my pyjama trousers. It's sick how I can be so comforted by the sight of my own blood. But it's not enough...I am so numb and in a constant daze, I want to feel so much so that I know I am alive, my senses are dulled, I just am, I'm not happy, I'm not sad, I just am. There is a growing pit in my stomach, it is getting larger and larger, the emptiness consuming every part of me. 0 comments so far