So out of control

Sunday, Aug. 28, 2005 at 8:24 am

I am eating so much at the moment. That is one major problem of being at home (my parents house). They have cupboards full of foods that I don't normally buy cos they trigger binges. They have a whole freezer full of food and a double fridge. No one notices if food disappears cos there is so much of it around the house and people are always coming and going.

*trigger* mentions specific foods and quantities

yesterday throughout the day I consumed

a whole melon
5 satsumas
2 bananas
3 eggs
a piece of cod
2 pieces of haddock
2 bowls of cornflakes
a litre of milk
1/2 a box of chocolates
5 digestive biscuits
2 yogurts
an apple
some tomatoes
a couple of pieces of ham
2 litres of diet coke
6 pints of orange squash

*end trigger*

I ate all that, took no insulin, let my bloodsugars run higher and higher. I began to feel sick in the evening so helped myself along by purging.

I was up and down all night needing to pee and to gulp more liquid down. Half asleep, raging thirst, moving around with heavy limbs I made my way downstairs and to the kitchen to refill my water bottle. Somehow I found myself rummaging around in the cupboards and fridge unable to stop myself. I poured out my cereal and milk then got the sugar bowl and shovelled heaped spoons of sugar all over the cornflakes. Back in my room I sat infront of the computer greedily shoving the food into my undeserving body.

So disgusting and shameful. I couldn't even be bothered to purge, just lay back down and go to slip whilst ketones do their magic.

I woke up this morning desperate to pee and gasping for more liquid. 7am and already gulping down the diet coke. I will go back to bed now in the hope that I will have enough energy to walk to church later on.

Why? Why am I doing this to myself? Why put myself and everyone else through so much agony. As I said the other day, it really does suck. 1 comments so far